It is late to be awake. Fear fills my thoughts. I toss and turn unable to grasp the sweet nothing of sleep. I fear sleep as it doesn’t resolve my evils.
From the next room my insomnia spreads like a dark tide and the dog wakes. He pleads with me to end this night. Perhaps I am not tired as I have nothing tiring my bones.
The alcohol I continue to turn to leaves me blank. We talk of why the heart has vacated the rooms we stalk. When the heart always lacked in this unfeeling tomb.
The previous morning I looked to change. I woke to seek honest wholesome oats and shake off this fattened me, but the one I thought I loved ridiculed me for thinking I might change my current ways. Some reminding vengeance.
After a heavily curtailed walk I returned to sofa and repeats. Repeated viewing with repeated adverts threatening my search for inner calm.
The books I read seem to take away my limited time so I read without a sense of the joy words once spread in my hopes and dreams. I battle to continue this thankless task.
Another night I wonder how to begin to unravel my life just so I can end this nothing I hold close. Another night I dream of running away to the south to linger on a beach watching my time recede.
Another me? 2013 appears but the knorring reminders of my own current doom suggest no route to convulse out this puzzled maze. Where is the other that will save my mind?
So as I feel my chest heave and a bad diet digestion congesting my soul all feelings of mortality conspire to break me at this silent starring time. The pain of losing the previous better me is clearly molesting the chambers of my mind and beating of my heart.
The wind rises in the distance and another strike of rain figures into view. Can it take me away beyond this black and white blanket and deliver me stumbling to a colourful valley. Or atleast send me snoring from you?